My Return

So, I'm back at this again. It's funny actually, I fail at most things I try. Most people give up immediately. Not me, I seem to like dragging out the pain and failure.

I've been away because I finally gave up. I was upset, frustrated, and impatient. It's perfectly okay to feel those things when things aren't going as planned or as you've imagined. I gave up because I felt pressured to be like other bloggers. I was comparing my lack of success to more successful bloggers. You can't do that. I needed to realize that I'm new to this, I have no idea what I doing, but I'm giving it a shot anyway.

I've also been away dealing with issues in my life. I'm trans and my family isn't as accepting as they say they are. They are the "I love and care about you but I won't be using your pronouns and preferred name" type. They smile in people's faces, but talk about them behind their backs. It's tough to gather the courage to come out to those you think truly love you to have them be ashamed of you, to have them ignore your request to use correct pronouns, to have the smallest amount of respect to not misgender you and not attempt to correct it. I've done my part. I've given them the information to educate themselves so they won't say offensive things, so they can word questions appropriately, so they can better understand. They chose to ignore my offers, ignore the information I gave them. They chose to ignore me. They chose to not acknowledge that I'm trans and gay. Anything LGBT is NOT spoken about here.

Despite this, I still try to stay positive. I bought some exercise equipment to lose some of this weight that's lowering my confidence. I'm going to focus my energy and anger on that to feel better and continue to stay positive. It's an escape. A much needed escape.

Anyways, I'm back and I'm going to be more active. Writing allows me to organize my intrusive thoughts to clear my mind. It allows me to share what is going on and maybe connect with people that may be going through the same thing.